As most of the crochet community now knows, wink from acreativebeing has passed away 26 of june this year. She was my sister-in-law and the horrible news hit our family very hard. It is only since this week I start feeling a bit normal again. I couldn’t (and didn’t want to) write about it. If I write about it, it steps closer to being reality.
The passed 4 weeks have been a true emotional rollercoaster. I’ve felt emotions I never felt before; feeling guilt mixed with happiness if I didn’t think about marinke for a minute. One moment in tears for thinking about her, the next smiling about all the memories we’ve created together. In truth, I still wait to hear from her. Accepting that this isn’t going to happen will be tough for all of us.
It has been heartwarming to see all kinds of initiatives pop up like #wearingflowersinmyhairforwink, #mandalasforwink and #mandalasformarinke. It became very clear to me how much impact she had (and still has) on the crochet community. Seeing all these instagram and facebook feeds full of crocheted mandala’s just makes me smile and I hope her spirit lives on through all of these crochet creations.
I always envied her ability to make color combinations. I remember that we saw all of them for the first time when they hung on her wall. I was in awe of the stunning beauty and simplicity of it all. Of course I wanted to do something similar, but my boyfriend didn’t want anything crochet hanging on the wall. I’m a practical person, so I never got around making them ‘just for fun’.
After the funeral was over, I felt so emotionally drained I felt the need to do something to give me a boost. I thought about her beautiful mandalas and how nice it would be if I could convert them into a cozy blanket to snuggle with when we need comfort or warmth.
I’m now recreating her 15 standard 12-round mandalas, thinking about her with every new stitch I add. Thinking about the little quarrels we had and of course the many times we made each other laugh until we gasped for air (seriously, like retarded seals flapping our fins!). In addition I’m planning on making a couple more with color schemes that represent bits of memories I had from her, making it even more a blanket to remember her by.
The endless counting of stitches, numerous repeats and familiar color-schemes really hugs me emotionally. I feel enormously comforted by these simple crocheted circles. I hope I can be one step closer to acceptance once this blanket is done.